Touch is difficult.

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 04:34:26 GMT

You wake up oneday with a golden leaf choking you. . .

I miss it all.

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 17:29:08 GMT

I am insane and flew a mini-jet-plane over the Gobi desert and the Buddhist Oasis city, Duhuang, today with an Asian man:

Also rode Camels. I am still having the time of my life. I want to teach English in Thailand in the fall, or maybe Japan!

I want to go to KTV tonight, with the old Chinese men singing Britney Spears and the Chinese prostitutes entering all the karaoke rooms, which all have bathrooms, doing god knows what. But I need to sleep because we are going to more Buddhist caves tommorow.

Sun, 11 Jun 2006 13:58:32 GMT

Ｉ　ａｍ　ｓｏ　ａｆｒａｉｄ　ｆｏｒ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｔｒｉｐ　ｔｏ　ｅｎｄ．　Ｐｌｅａｓｅ，　ｔｅｌｌ　ｍｅ，I　ｗｉｌｌ　ｎｅｖｅｒ　ｓｔｏｐ　ｔｒａｖｅｌｉｎｇ．　Never stop dancing, seeing, believing, rising above. We have gotten to Urumqi and here there are Turks, Muslims, Russians, Chinese, Mongols, and more. For dinner we had incredible Muslim food, and this city is like entering an entirely different realm. Tommorow we leave for Turpan, which excites me so much. God, Ｉ　ｗｉｓｈ　Ｉ　ｃｏｕｌｄ　ｒｏａｍ　ａｒｏｕｎｄ　ｌｉｋｅ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｆｏｒｅｖｅｒ．

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 15:11:09 GMT

Tommorow we are entering the Gobi desert, where few men have traveled before:

The second lowest point in the world, the Turfan Depression:

Sat, 27 May 2006 14:45:17 GMT

It is Sunday, the first Sunday of my new life, and I am wearing the dog collar you fastened around my neck. A new life stretches before me. It begins with the day of rest. I lie back on a broad green leaf and I watch the sun bursting in your womb. What a clabber and clatter it makes! All this expressly for me, what?

If only you had a million suns in you! If only I could lie here forever enjoying the celestial fireworks!

Fri, 26 May 2006 03:27:31 GMT

I look out again at the sun--my first full gaze. It is blood-red and men are walking about on the rooftops. Everything above the horizon is clear to me. It is like Easter Sunday. Death is behind me and birth too. I am going to live now among the life maladies. I am going to live the spiritual life of the pygmy, the secret life of the little man in the wilderness of the bush. Inner and outer have changed places. Equilibrium is no longer the goal--the scales must be destroyed. Let me hear you promise again all those sunny things you carry inside you. Let me try to believe for one day, while I rest in the open, that the sun brings good tidings. Let me rot in splendor while the sun bursts in your womb. I believe all your lies implicitly. I take you as the personification of evil, as the destroyer of the soul, as the maharanee of the night. Tack your womb up on my wall, so that I may remember you.

We must get going. Tomorrow, tomorrow…

--H.M.

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 18:26:59 GMT

Watch out for power,
for its avalanche can bury you,
snow, snow, snow, smothering your mountain.

Sun, 02 Apr 2006 02:46:16 GMT

I look at the strangeness in them and the naturalness they cannot help, in order to find some virtue in the beast in me.

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 17:51:31 GMT

Faces, suddenly suspended above you;
faces that you think it's your business to love
if only you could remember their names.

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 00:25:50 GMT

To the despisers of the body will I speak my word. I wish them neither to learn afresh, nor teach anew, but only to bid farewell to their own bodies,and thus be dumb.

Body am I, and soul so said the child. And why should one not speak like children?

But the awakened one, the knowing one, says: Body am I entirely, and nothing more; and soul is only the name of something in the body.

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 17:55:56 GMT

Love and religion! ... How detestable, how detestable they are! ... The cruelest things in the world...love and religion.

--Virginia Woolf

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 03:57:28 GMT

Women sometimes seem to share a quiet, unalterable dogma of persecution that endows even the most sophisticated of them with the inarticulate poignancy of the peasant.

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 06:43:50 GMT

I am myself. That is not enough.

The fever trickles and stiffens my hair.
My ribs show. What have I eaten?
Lies and smiles.
Surely the sky is not that color.
Surely the grass should be rippling.

All day, gluing my church of burnt matchsticks.
I dream of someone else entirely.

Mon, 26 Dec 2005 10:21:49 GMT

And I screamed in myself, thinking: oh, to give myself crashing, fighting, to you.

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 06:33:42 GMT

I am simply retarded because I declined plans tonight to stay home, clean, and write a paper. Instead, I took ridiculous pictures and just, well, chilled. Sam is coming over now and we are going to go to Trash bar, across the street. Yes, this is how wild and adventurous I have become. Unnecessary post but I wanted to document a significant accomplishment of mine throughout the past year...

Me about a year ago, at 156:

Me about 5 minutes ago, at 127, maybe?:

Alcohol has arrived now so I must go!

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 09:01:53 GMT

I scratch my bones
against the windows at night.
I light candles and feel myself evaporate.
This body is a little church, a little temple.
You can't see me now because I've gone inside.

My family doesn't call anymore.
My friends don't call anymore.
You can't hurt me anymore.
They can't hurt me anymore.
Only I can.

And that's okay.
I don't need them anymore.
I can live off of me.
I speak to me.
I dance with me.
I eat me.

When they find me, I'll have a little smile on my face
and they'll wrap me in a white cloth and lay me in the ground
and say they don't understand.
But I do.
I don't hurt anymore.
I'm not lonely anymore.
I'm not sad I'm not pretty anymore.
I made it through.

I feel so holy and clean when I stretch out on the floor and sing.
Sometimes god comes in for a minute and says I'm doing fine, I'm almost there.

Every day I get a little closer to vanishing.
Some days I can't stand up because the room moves under my feet
and I smile because I'm almost there,
I'm almost an angel.

One day when I am thin enough
I'll go outside
fluttering my hands so I can fly
and I will be so slight that I will pass through all of you
silently
like wind.

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 21:24:14 GMT

I don't exist.

If only tonight we could fall in a deathless spell.

Tue, 13 Jan 2004 03:47:16 GMT

Each day, I desperately crave the interactions of humanity; I need their lethal embrace. I constantly internalize myself; this egocentric, misdirected, 'going nowhere fast' girl. I am chasing the wind, seeking shelter in shacks without blueprints.

I desire the things that will destroy me in the end.

Of sorts, Miracles occur ;

Thu, 08 Jan 2004 01:08:33 GMT

The wait's begun again, the long wait for the angel. For that rare, random descent.

--Sylvia Plath

[who else?]

where did summer go? left me to wonder when the bottle will tap out and the sun will arise.

Mon, 27 Oct 2003 23:05:06 GMT

Meet Solitude: your new best friend, loneliness will always hold your hand!

i have taken a pill to kill.

Thu, 23 Oct 2003 03:40:15 GMT

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

-Sylvia Plath